Hostile Take Over
by Randolph O. Mann
“Good morning Ms. Browne”
“Good morning Randy. Randolph, could you bring me some coffee and come into my office, please”
“Here is your coffee. Is there something else you need, boss?”
“Well now that you mention it, yes, there is. Randolph, can you please bring me up-to-speed on all of THIS!”
“On, what, Ms. Browne?”
“THIS, this stuff right here! I would like you to explain why I came to work this morning to find Courtney’s desk empty, my In-Box filled with hundred dollar bills and my desk covered with inter-campus packing envelopes. Also I would like to understand why every five minutes a new courier from the Shipping Department arrives with another sealed packing envelope and places a personally autographed hundred dollar bill into my In-Box. Please, Randy can you enlighten me? Have a seat, get comfortable, because based upon my past experience with you I am confident this clarification will take some time for you to explain.”
“Where would you like me to begin, Ms. Browne?”
“The very beginning, Randy. Please just lead me down your twisted yellow brick road while I sit back and take pleasure in my coffee. Because I am positive this will be the last peaceful moment I will enjoy today. I am sure your rationalization will be a very interesting one.”
“Ok, we were all dressed to the nines and seated at Uncle Thurgood’s ‘Shirt Off Our Back Charity Auction'.”
“Randy, I do not have all day and my patience is running very thin. Cut to the chase scene. Can you please skip to the part about Courtney’s empty desk?”
“Ok, judging by the hands on your clock over there I can see it is nine twenty seven and according to my schedule, Courtney can be found wearing only the bottom half of her matching bra and panties set as she stands shivering inside the phone booth at the south parking lot while waiting for the next expected hostage to arrive. Our Courtney is a very accommodating young lady.”
“Our Courtney is also very gullible. This better be good, Randy!”
“It was at 7:17 this morning, as Courtney was just leaving the Starbuck’s parking lot with a chocolate-almond-mocha, when she received a call on her cell phone. A Lieutenant Ensulada, I just could not resist, identified himself as the hostage negotiator for the SWAT team surrounding the Shipping and Receiving Building at T. Winston’s South Campus. The Lieutenant was quickly able to enlisted Courtney’s help in securing the release of nine of her fellow employees from an armed and very eccentric kidnapper. Courtney was instructed to drive directly to work and park in her normal spot in the north lot. She was then to walk as quickly as possible to the secluded phone booth located across the south parking lot and to wait for a phone call from the kidnapper. At exactly 7:45 the phone in the booth rang and Courtney answered. Passionate negotiations followed before an agreement was reached, and as a gesture of good faith Courtney was asked to provide one article of clothing to each released hostage appearing at the phone booth. Once the last exchange was made the kidnapper promised to surrender to the authorities.”
“Courtney fell for this?”
“Just like a guillotine blade. After each of the counterfeit hostages arrived at the phone booth to collect their ‘good-faith’ garment, it was to be placed into an appropriately numbered packing envelope and then delivered with their authenticated gambling obligation to your office. Linda, you will find the package marked number one will contain Courtney’s raincoat, number two a left shoe, number three the right, #4 has her scarf, #5 a lovely cashmere sweater, #6 has her pleated shirt,#7 holds a pair of opaque charcoal colored panty hose and inside number eight we can expect to find her bra. The ninth envelope will be arriving shortly after nine thirty this morning with Courtney’s panties.”
“If I am understanding this right you have arranged a very elaborate wager involving yourself and the Shipping and Receiving Department whereby poor Courtney was hoodwinked into relinquishing her entire outfit to gain the bogus release of phony hostages thus netting the masterminds, you and now me too, of this endeavor a profit totaling nine hundred dollars. Am I close?”
“Almost, boss. William from the Shipping Department parleyed a double or nothing escape clause.”
“An escape clause?”
“Yes, the final piece to the agreement stipulates that you, my new partner, must rescue Courtney from her compromised situation before she is discovered by a Security Unit. You remember Lorenzo Garcia of Independent Security Systems? The two of you met at the holiday party I believe.”
“Vividly.”
“With the time being of the essence, I really would hate for Courtney’s benevolent escapade to go unrewarded, so if there is anything I can do to assist in the preparation for your rescue attempt?”
“All I need you to do is just open package number one and toss me her raincoat. I will go collect poor ice-covered Courtney. This is terrible Randy, and you should be ashamed taking advantage of Courtney this way because I’m willing to bet a week’s pay there isn’t another T. Winston employee innocent enough to freely give away their clothes to a stranger and believe me, I intend to set that girl straight by informing her in detail all about you. We need to talk about how treacherous you are, Randolph!”