Full Disclosure
by Randolph O. Mann

“All right, people. Quiet, please. My name is Lorenzo Garcia, and I am the owner, operator, and ranking security officer at Independent Security Systems. I have been appointed Chairman of this Internal Disciplinary Inquest. For the record, I now call this inquest to order at 9:52 am this morning. Joining me on the panel will be Anita Morris from the law firm of Smithe, Smithe and Morris, representing the legal department; Jerry McNickels of McNickels Accounting, representing the Accounting Department; Karen Pettybone from Human Resources; and Linda Browne, Director of the Sales Department. The purpose of this investigation is to establish what if any violations might have occurred during the recent T. Winston INC 'Shirt Off Our Back' Charity Concert. These proceedings will focus upon fact finding and as such all testimony will be held in the strictest confidence. Various interested parties have been invited to testify regarding their involvement in this unfortunate affair. Others are here to offer opinions vis-à-vis legal, municipal and corporate perspectives as they relate to corporate liability in this matter. Yesterday’s session consisted of the testimony from both alleged victims, Edith and Katherine Webster. Today we hope to hear from various management officials, union representatives, and implicated employees. First on this morning’s agenda is testimony from Randy Mann. Mr. Mann, state your full name and assigned cost center designation for the record, please.”

“Randolph O. Mann from the Merchandizing Division, a branch of the Sales Department.”

“Good morning, Mr. Mann.”

“Good Morning, Mr. Garcia.”

“I must ask you to please lean forward and speak directly into the microphone, Mr. Mann.”

“Sorry. Good Morning everyone. My name is Randolph O. Mann and I am assigned to the Sales Department, a branch of the T. Winston, INC., Merchandizing Division.”

Lorenzo directed, “Panel, please look in your folders. Everyone should find a copy of the Security Report from Independent Security Systems, the Liability Prospectus collected from the Simon Leister Insurance Company by our corporate attorney Anita Morris, the Cost Overlay Financial Statement forwarded from McNickels Accounting, and the minutes from our last meeting, which contain the detailed statements from the Webster twins. Copies of Katherine’s and Edith’s allegations have also been provided to Mr. Mann for his review. If all present are agreeable I will summarize the Webster testimony before Mr. Mann is allowed time for his statement and rebuttal. Any objections?"

Deafening silence from all members of the Internal Disciplinary Review Panel. Lorenzo continued “Let the record show no objections. So, with all panel members in agreement I shall proceed. Katherine and Edith Webster, AKA Kate and Edith Too, the Twisted Sisters, those Crazy Co-Ed’s, the Wild Webster Women, and the Ta-Ta Twins, have presented written allegations describing how they were violently groped and unceremoniously disrobed against their will by unnamed male and female co-workers and then publicly displayed in this state of undress at a Mandatory Corporate Assembly, attended by the entire T. Winston, INC workforce. This exhibition was allegedly perpetrated by Mr. Mann, who allegedly promoted the assembly as a prerequisite obligation prior to the allocation of any accumulated interdepartmental funding. The full text of the Webster sisters' detailed statements is contained within the documents found in each of your folders, and at the insistence of Anita Morris we have invited Mr. Randolph O. Mann to attend today’s session for the purpose of explaining his perspective and association with regards to Edith's and Katherine’s assertions. In short, Randolph, we need to talk!

“Gladly, gladly. Where should I begin?”

“At the very beginning, Randy.”

“Ok, we were all dressed to the nines and seated at Uncle Thurgood’s ‘Shirt Off Our Back Charity...”

“Randy, every member of this Panel is fully aware of your ‘wide-ranging’ work history and familiar status at T. Winston, INC. so with an eye towards time conservation and deference to the delicate character and the scope of your corporate tenure I move that Mr. Mann’s remarks be confined to testimony specifically related to the alleged Webster molestation accusation.”

Linda exclaimed, “I second that!”

“Me too!” echoed Karen.

Lorenzo objected, “Karen, you don’t have to do that. After a motion has been properly seconded the floor is open for discussion. I recognize Linda Browne.”

Linda declaimed, “I believe exhaustive discussion beyond any issues directly related to this specific inquiry are not justified and any explorations into the sordid exploits of Mr. Mann would serve only to needlessly victimize additional T. Winston, INC employees that have fallen victim to Mr. Mann and his naughty pranks. I call the question.”

Karen echoed, “Me too!”

Lorenzo sighed. “Karen, will you stop that! All those in favor?”

A chorus of voices from the panel answered: "Aye!”

“Those opposed?”

Defining silence from all members of the Internal Disciplinary Review Panel. Lorenzo announced, “Let the record show zero nay. With all panel members in agreement I shall proceed. Randy, I will ask you to continue your testimony before this Inquiry Tribunal with the caveat that you must confine all of your comments to only issues directly related to the allegations described within the two Webster statements.”

“Okey-Dokey, here goes everything! As I recall the afternoon in question, it was a pleasant spring Saturday, and I was backstage among the various Sales Staff as preparations for the Annual T. Winston INC Shirt Off Our Back Charity Concert were completed. One of my assigned responsibilities involved assembling a satisfactory inventory of feral livestock as a distraction for the various artists and their posses.”

Lorenzo asked, “A groupie booty call?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony please.”

“In this capacity, I was entrusted with the responsibility of backstage pass distribution. A post known to carry with it a plethora of temptations, and consequently never assigned casually, owing to the strength of character needed by the custodian of this very sensitive position. Understanding the magnitude of my charge, I diligently applied my full concentration to this crucial task. Knowing that if even one backstage pass were to fall into the custody of an unsavory character the concert’s security would be jeopardized, I installed a meticulous background investigation process designed to ferret out any undesirables.”

“An ‘A-List’ groupie booty call.”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“After studying the testimony of Miss Katie and Miss Edie, it is obvious to me these two presumptuous young ladies completely misinterpreted my Assessment Dialogue. Conversation that I merely intended to suggest proper comportment, they perceived as demanding they provide ‘ensemble carnal knowledge’ as a condition that they each receive backstage passes.”

“A Three-way in exchange of the passes?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“I want this Internal Disciplinary Inquest Panel to understand that sexual relations with these women was not my primary objective. The safety and security protocol was first upon my mental list of goals that night. So once these lovely young ladies had so effortlessly passed their visual audition due to such well proportioned upper body masses in relation to their small center of gravities...”

"Point of clarification, are you referencing T and A?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“I suggestedthe three of us might progress together on to a second interview held at a neutral setting during cocktails and a casual dinner where the full scope of work attached to ‘Card-Carrying Backstage Pass Licensees’ was explained. Again, according to their signed statements, these assuming women have allowed overactive imaginations to run rough shod over common sense by taking for granted my intensions were aberrant upon this subject. I further suggest to the Panel, that such post-banquet romantic liasions, with vivacious female dinner companions were not an uncommon occurrence for myself and in the night in question presented as a very normal episode.”

“Been there, done that?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“I will confirm the section in the ladies signed statements referencing finding backstage passes to the Annual T. Winston INC Shirt Off Our Back Charity Concert upon their respective pillows the next morning as accurate.”

“You’re a cad, Randy!”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“It was after the second act, a heavy metal band called ‘Full Disclosure’ had already taken the concert stage that Katie and Edie approached me in a very loud, accusatory and disrespectful manor suggesting my employment obligations at T. Winston, INC should never have overridden my first-light-spooning responsibilities to them.”

“The Little Ladies were really pissed-off?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“Noticing their aggressive body-language and their obvious parched condition I inquired if they each would like to partake of any complimentary libations and promptly secured a couple of beverages from the passing tray of the backstage waitress as she circulated among the stagehands and roadies. Katie and Edie each promptly downed their respective cocktails and then both of the angry ladies each grabbed two more cocktails forcing the waitress to return to the service bar in order to replenish her now empty tray. Ingesting such a large quantity of alcohol seemed to promptly abridge these headstrong women’s inhibitations making it impossible for me to detour the twins when they seized upon the ill-advised idea to following the band’s lead singer off the stage and into the crowd. Imagine my surprise, when both Edie and Katie spontaneously kicked off their high heels before sprinting across the stage and launching themselves pell-mell into the air and onto the waiting hands of the adoring fans.

“Crowd surfing?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“My frenzied warning fell upon deaf ears, as I tried desperately to explain that burlesque style crowd surfing was this band’s signature performance stunt. But I was too late, Katie was by now airborne and Edie’s toes were already leaving the stage as she propelling herself aloft. I watched helplessly as both of my co-workers catapulted themselves from stage center towards a vague and very naked fate. The frantic feminine expressions upon the twin’s faces acknowledged their belated yet resigned understanding of the urgency contained inside my warning as it registered with the intrepid skydivers. I watched powerlessly from off stage near the footlights stage right as two extremely vulnerable ladies slowly floated away upon the perverted hands and naughty finger tips of the audience. Both women stared at me like a couple of hopeless street urchins as the dorsally placed zippers of their figure-hugging clubbing outfits were released exposing the matching sets of cranberry red satin bras and thongs underneath. The Webster girl’s charming party-ensembles were quickly reduced to mere rags by anonymous hands clawing at the fragile garments. Now clad only in satin undergarments the twins were provocatively transported along separate elliptical orbits at the very core of the probing digits until their resilient bra clasps finally surrendered to the repeated assaults by springing open and allowing the bounty they contained to escape into full view. Their complete understanding of their imminent peril registered at a snail's pace as the cranberry colored waistbands of their final intimate garment ever so slowly slid down their flexible upper legs, over their bowed knees, along their tanned shins, passed their kicking ankles and out of the grasp of their straining toes. Like ships in the night the shapely females and their freshly liberated crimson lingerie traveled in opposite directions."

“Full Monty?”

“Pretty much.”

“Continue your testimony, please.”

“In rebuttal to accusations by the Webster sisters concerning an alleged gaming venture between myself and the good employees assigned to the Shipping Department I can only expose these as vicious rumors founded upon coincidental timing and perpetuated as retribution intended to inflict both personal and vocational embarrassment by two hysterical women dedicated to extracting a terrible vengeance.”

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned?”

“Pretty much.”

Only deafening silence was heard from all members of the Internal Disciplinary Review Panel when Lorenzo Garcia requested any objections to dropping the investigation of the Websters' accusations and closing the Internal Disciplinary Inquest.