Blanket Policy by Randolph O. Mann

Blanket Policy
by Randolph O. Mann

“Good evening officer.”

“Good evening Miss, Place your vehicle in ‘park’, turn off the engine, and secure the parking brake. Then I will need to see your drivers's license, registration, proof of insurance, and T. Winston INC security badge.”

“Ok officer, here you are, may I ask what is the reason I was pulled over this evening?”

“The reason for this traffic stop, Ms. Browne, is because I had your vehicle clocked on my radar gun as traveling through a Handicapped Pedestrian Zone at thirty-three miles per hour, I witnessed your vehicle perform numerous random lane changes as you left the North parking lot, and you made an illegal left turn onto this side connector ramp.”

“Those sound serious, officer.”

“Very serious, Ms. Browne, and the flippant tone in your voice is definitely not helping your cause. I would like to bring to your attention that in the short distance on one mile you have endangered numerous co-workers’ personal safety, placed at risk the personal property of T. Winston customers, clients and vendors, and violated numerous sections of the Municipal Vehicle Code. You also need to understand that I take my professional responsibilities very seriously, believing the enforcement of safety procedures as the foremost of my objectives. It is my unmistakable hope, Ms. Browne, that you will grasp the seriousness of your actions and the ramifications those actions will have upon your life. Once these infringements have been verified and documented with the Department of Motor Vehicles they will become a permanent part of your driving record with far reaching consequences including an impact upon your ability to secure and maintain automobile insurance. They will also be included in your employee file, and this will place your parking privileges here at T. Winston INC into question. Also, in this county we have a three-strikes-you’re-out program towards traffic violators that I am afraid will cost you a night in jail and result in the suspension of your driving privileges in this state.”

“Lose my license?”


“I can not lose my license, I have a job and that means I need to drive to corporate functions and back and forth to my office. And a night in jail is out of the question.”

“That is unfortunate. I am sure if you can afford a good lawyer he can negotiate vocational allowances for work related driving.”

“Please, officer. Isn’t there something that can be done to correct this unfortunate matter?”

“Ms. Browne, you seem like a very nice person, but I have already called this traffic stop into the dispatching deck and that requires a corresponding entry in my nightly log explaining the details for overlooking these three serious citations. I would need first-rate rationale to compel such deviation from the enforcement policy.”

“I do not care what you place in your silly report. I am very tired, you have made me very late, and all I want is to be on my way.”

“Well, let me think. I could write in my security report I was obligated to discharge an ‘unidentified’ motorist to investigate the after-hours sighting of a female streaker trespassing along the edge of the T. Winston INC north campus parking lot.”

“That works for me. Can we please get on with this process.”

“Except, as I look around this parking lot, it appears to be empty.”

“Duh. It is late, officer. We are not going to find any naked females out jogging.”

“Not yet, Ms. Linda Browne.”

“Oh no, you are not going to force me to disrobe for your deviant viewing pleasure! I have my rights.”

“Let me make this perfectly clear, Ms. Browne. I have no intention of depriving you of any your personal rights. What has been suggested, is that an ‘unidentified’ motorist to be released into her own custody, allowing ‘her’ to leave the scene of a traffic violation after voluntarily agreeing to a visual assessment of her person and private articles, thus permitting this arresting officer an opportunity to pursue the alleged trespasser. The ‘unidentified’ motorist in question was never asked to do anything against her will, everything occurring at this aforementioned traffic stop would be executed according to suspect’s direction and with her full consent. But it was never suggested to deprive the ‘unidentified’ motorist of any privacy rights, Ms. Browne. Those are inalienable and sacred. If you prefer I will gladly continue preparing the various traffic citations and begin your arrest processing, Ms. Browne.”

“Officer, in your convoluted way, you have made it very clear that my options are very limited and I am at a distinct disadvantage this evening. I understand I must ‘voluntarily’ choose between two very unpleasant options and like it. Either I endure a gauntlet of administrative formalities that are sure to involve personal and professional complications of biblical proportions or I can opt to willingly capitulate to your perverted demands. In either of those two scenarios I end up in the buff. So to conserve time I will select the later, sir.”

“Ok then, might I have you securely lock your vehicle, and I will ask you to please step into the area illuminated by the headlights of my patrol car. This procedure will require that you continually verbalize your voluntary compliance with this inspection process as my Surveillance Video Camera will be recording your entire voluntary compliance. This will protect both of us from the threat of future litigation. Ms. Browne, I will ask you to begin by placing your purse and other personal items upon the hood of my patrol car before removing your overcoat, while I take a seat here behind the wheel and refocus the video equipment, insuring we have a clear recording of your controlled conformity in this matter.”

“Oh for Pete’s sake!”

“Ms. Browne, please, getting angry is not going to solve our little dilemma. Let me remind you if you have any objections to my suggestion, we can stop right now and I will gladly finish processing your traffic violations before transporting you to headquarters where a comprehensive deep cavity search can be performed before admitting you into the general detention population? It is very important that I confirm your participation is unforced and deliberate on your part with your acquiescence freely obtained.”

“I do!”

“Ms. Browne you do, what?”

“I, ‘freely’, and ‘happily’, and of ‘my-own-free will’, remove this overcoat, for better or for worse. I ‘gladly’, am unzipping my skirt and stepping out of my skirt. I want it understood I ‘cheerfully’, remove my sweater for your inspection. With ‘joy-in-my-heart’ I am unbuttoning my blouse and placing it next my other garments in the hood of the patrol car. Please officer, I want everyone to know I am ‘readily’ standing here in my bra and panties for your viewing pleasure. The ‘ecstasy’ that I experience by turning my back towards your camera while I release the clasp of my bra is vast. The knowledge that lowering my brassiere will provide you a view of my exposed breasts is ‘heartwarming’, and has been one of my life’s ambitions. Just the thought of fully exposing me before your piercing stare is ‘satisfying’ to me at a level beyond my ability to express. As I slide my panties away from my waist I am reaching a level of ‘sovereignty’ few have ever experienced. Officer, it is standing before your gaze, as my underwear slips around my hips that finds me fully established in my ‘self-determination'. The knowledge that removing my lacy attire has liberated my privacy before you is filling my life’s purpose. Nothing in my experience can measure up to the feeling of independence I am experiencing as I step from these flowered panties and place them upon the hood of your partrol car, there, you asshole!

The piercing click of the patrol car loud speaker made Linda freeze in dread as the deafening sound sent shivers of fear through her.

“Ms. Browne, as I now place my vehicle into reverse and begin backing away and out of your reach, it is important for you to know that your sarcasm will be duly noted in my security report and these belongings you voluntarily placed upon the hood of my car will be waiting for you Monday morning safely locked inside your office. Your car keys and a warm blanket will be left in the phone booth on the far side of the south parking lot. The master copy of my surveillance video is available from Randolph Mann should you decide to consign your weekly pay check over to Randy as settlement of your gambling obligation. Happy streaking, Linda!”

“Wait, please wait a minute, did you say Randolph? We need to talk, Officer!