Shawna sat in front of the fire, huddled under a blanket.  The evening had grown chilly so Shawna stoked and lit the wood in the stone fireplace, bringing warmth and light to the room.

Behind her, Grady still lay asleep, although Ruthy and Patch had told her that he had been active for a while during the evening.  She missed seeing him then because she had been otherwise engaged.

Right after dinner, one of Paul's deputies had come up to her to let her know she had still to go to the stocks.  Shawna had forgotten all about her punishment schedule, and was surprised that she still had to do it at all.  Hadn't she just helped one of their own?

The guy was apologetic, but he insisted that she still had to do what she had promised to do.  So, her good mood blown, Shawna did her two hours naked in the stocks, humiliated and angry.

Her mood was somewhat restored afterward though, as Vicky came by to take her to the baths.  After a good soak and an even better rub down from Johan, she felt in much better spirits, but still didn't have that euphoric feeling she had before.

Returning home, she found Patch and Ruthy; and after thanking them for baby-sitting Grady, she finally found herself alone with her thoughts.

For a while, she watched the big man sleeping; but as the night grew colder, she made up the fire, and that's where she was now.

Shawna stared at the flames and tried not to think, but it was hard.  Physically she felt better than she had for a long time; there was none of that deep down ache she usually had when needing a fix of something.  Yet her thoughts were still on booze and drugs; and for the thousandth time that day, she wondered where her knapsack was.

This was only a part of what was troubling her, though.  Staring into the flames reminded her of the crash, of that terrifying ride down the mountain, and the fire afterwards.  She could hear Dirk's screams in her head, and for a moment, she buried her head between her knees in an attempt to shut them out.

She began to think more about Dirk, but this time, instead of thinking about how things had gone bad with him, she thought about the time when everything was new.

Yes, there HAD been good times, times when he made her laugh, times when he showed her what love could be like.  Shawna knew that she had never been in love with Dirk, but there were moments when she could have tried.

Lifting her head, she was aware of tears on her face, signs that she was at last mourning the passing of a friend.  He may have turned into a shit, but at first...

She rubbed her eyes, then jumped as she heard a noise behind her.

It was Grady, standing nude in the firelight a few feet away.

"Hi," he said.

"Hey," Shawna replied, her voice unexpectedly rough with emotion.  She tried to gain control of herself.  "How are you?"

"Tired, but I think I'm slept out for a while."  Grady stepped forward and sat down next to her on the pillows.

Shawna was quite conscious of his closeness, of his nudity.  It was something else she didn't want to think about.

"Getting colder," Grady said, "a fire was a good idea.  The heat isn't on yet in the Compound, although I expect now that we're getting into fall, that will change soon."

"Heat?  You get heat?" Shawna asked.

Grady smiled.  "I'll explain it to you sometime."

Shawna looked away from him, staring once more at the fire.

Grady rubbed his arms for a moment.  "It is kinda nippy still, do you mind if we share?"  He tugged at the blanket Shawna had wrapped around herself, and she stared as he pulled a part of it away from her.

Underneath, all she wore was her loincloth; she'd put back the outfit she took from the closet earlier.  She was surprised when Grady slid up right next to her and wrapped them both up in her blanket.  His skin was cold against hers, but warmed quickly, and she became even more aware of how much of his skin was touching hers.

They sat like that for a little while, before Grady spoke once more.

"Cheryl and I were married for three years," he began, and he went on to tell Shawna about how they met, fell in love, got married, and formed their partnership.  He told about how they tried to have kids, but had no luck; he told of the fights they sometimes had and how they made up afterward; and he told of the happy moments and heartbreaks that defined the rhythms of their life together.

He spoke without interruption, Shawna listening quietly, and when he was done, they sat in silence once more.  Then it was Shawna's turn, and she began to speak of things she never talked about.

Somehow, sitting skin to skin under a blanket in front of a roaring fire with this man, it seemed right to talk.  Right in a way she couldn't understand.  Out came her feelings about her father, and the tales of the horrible things he had done in the name of discipline.  Out came her thoughts on her mother and the rest of her family, the non-people in her life.  A little hesitantly, but with growing confidence, out came the story of Dirk and how he rescued her from her family, only to put her in a different bondage, one forged with links of addiction.

She told him a lot of things, but did not tell him of the robbery and the crash, or of Dirk's death.  But what she said was more than she had ever told anyone before, and soon her entire life was spread out before them.

When she was done, again there was silence, before Grady spoke once more.

"Thank you," he said.

Shawna nodded slowly.

Under the blanket, Grady put an arm around her, and Shawna melted into his embrace.  She hadn't realized just how tense she had gotten, and it felt really good to lean on him.  With his arm around her, she felt protected, secure.  She looked up at his face and saw him watching her.  It seemed natural for them to kiss.

Grady got a worried look on his face.  "We shouldn't!"

"Last night," said Shawna,  "a part of me was convinced that what I was doing was for your benefit, when I know now that it was all for me.  I didn't have your best interest at heart when I tried to make love to you..."

"We've already gone over that!"  Grady interrupted.

"Hush...I didn't have your best interest in mind, not deep down.  But tonight...I do.  I'm here for you, Grady, right here, right now.  I want to be here for you, to comfort you and take away that pain so deep inside you.  I'm not saying that sex will make everything better, it won't.  But unlike last night, I think what we have here is more than just sex."

"Sex isn't allowed," Grady said, still looking worried.

"I know, I understand; and we don't have to do it.  But we're two lonely people, very lonely.  You just lost someone very close to your heart, and in my whole life, I have never had someone close to me, until now.  I know that I need your warmth, your embrace, if only to get me through another lonely night.  Can you truly say you don't need the same thing?"

"No," Grady whispered after a moment.

"If all we do is cuddle, that's fine by me.  But please, don't say we have to part, don't push me away again."

Grady took a deep breath.  There were so many conflicts inside him.  He and his wife had spent many an evening cuddling in front of the fire just like this, sharing a blanket while his wife read to him.  He could still hear the sound of her voice echoing around the room as she worked her way through the Dickens' novels he had found for her.

Shawna was like her in enough ways to make her seem real again.  Looking at Shawna was like looking at his own wife, yet there were times he wasn't sure who he was looking at.  Dare he give in to the lust he felt, to the need to make love once more to his wife, although in reality he would be making love to Shawna?

He opened his mouth to speak, but it took a few seconds for him to actually utter the words.

"I...never got a chance to say goodbye to her," he said very slowly.  "I was there at the end, but I didn't know...didn't know..." he broke down a moment, tears filling his eyes until he got back a small measure of control.  "I...never thought that the last time I saw her smile, would be the last time ever, the last touch, the last...kiss.  There were so many things left undone, things that we..." he stopped, unable to continue.

Shawna held on to him, providing HIS support for a while, rocking him slowly as he cried, and giving him comfort.

She said nothing while he cried, and eventually he stopped.  But he held on to her tightly for a while longer, until Shawna began to pull away.

She let the blanket that covered them fall away, and she gently took him by the hand and led him to the bed.  She watched as he climbed back under the blankets.  She picked up a large black cloak hanging on a nearby hook; she wanted to spread it on the bed for extra warmth.

"No!"  Grady said.  "Not that!"

Startled, Shawna hung the cloak back up and quickly went and got the blanket they had been using.  She spread it out, and after taking off her loincloth, she slid under the covers with him.

The bed was cold, but snuggling once more next to Grady warmed her up again.  He wrapped his large arms around her and they lay there together.

It was the best night's sleep Shawna had ever had!

---***---

The next day had to be Sunday.  Although she had no calendar, Shawna was certain of this.

Upon awakening, Grady ordered her to go do her morning toilet as quickly as possible, and then when she came back, he had her dress in a very conservative full-bodied dress.

He himself had on more clothes than Shawna had ever seen on him.  Dark leather pants with a white long sleeved shirt and a leather vest.  He looked very good to her dressed like that, especially the way his well-muscled body filled out the shirt.  He had also shaved at some point, and Shawna realized that he must have made a real effort to become presentable.

Could their shared confessions of the night before have affected him this much?

"What's going on?" she kept asking him.

"It's time you saw we aren't barbarians," would be his only reply.

Once they were dressed, and Shawna was satisfied with her hair (she HAD to find out what they used for conditioner here), Grady began leading her to the Great Hall.  But he stopped just inside the door and turned to face her, a thoughtful look on his face.

"I...er...just want to thank you, for last night," he said.  "I want to thank you for not coming on so strongly at the end."

"That's okay," Shawna replied, a little surprised, but glad that he HAD been affected.

Grady nodded for a moment, then continued to talk.  "I...while we...while you were sleeping...I had some time to think.  You being here has really...well I think I needed a kick in the pants.  I wasn't a...well, before you came I was just going through the motions, you know?"

Shawna nodded slowly.

"But I think I know why the elders had you move in with me.  It wasn't so that we might get together; it was just to make me feel something, anything, again!  For a while, I was angry; angry with them for pushing you on me, and angry with you for being who you were and who...you looked like.  I had always been angry, but this was...different.  I was angry, but focusing that anger outward.  But now I'm not angry any more; there are a lot of different feelings inside me right now."  Grady stopped and tried not to look at her, but he couldn't help glancing up at her.

Shawna felt her heart take a leap; she too was filled with conflicting thoughts and feelings.  She stepped forward to take him in her arms, but he caught her wrists and held her away.  Puzzled, she stepped back, a hurt look on her face.

"Wait," Grady said, "I didn't mean..." he sighed.  "Look, I have to tell you that if things were different, I wouldn't hesitate to...well, if things were different.  But you have to understand that right now, despite the feelings I have for you, I just can't...!"  Grady shook his head, confusion written on he features.

"You have feelings for me?"  Shawna whispered.

Grady wouldn't look at her.

"Grady...Grady, it's okay.  I understand."  She pulled a hand free and touched his cheek.  "I understand," she said slowly.

Grady looked at her.  "I just wanted to make it clear, before things got too far along between us."

Shawna smiled.  "It's okay, and I'm glad you said something before either one of us did something foolish," she said, thinking of her earlier attempt to seduce him.  "I can't say I'm not disappointed that we didn't make love last night, and the thought of there being a chance at all for us to make something more of our lives together makes me happy.  I'll back off and give you some room.  But I won't go entirely; I'll be here to help you.  I meant what I said last night.  And maybe, just maybe, when you are ready to move on, you'll allow me to be a part of that new life of yours."

Grady was a little too choked up to talk, so he just nodded.

They stood together for a few minutes, just looking into each other's eyes, and then Shawna stood up on her toes and brushed her lips against his.

Grady smiled softly, and Shawna chuckled.

"You know," she said, "I'm a little jealous of Cheryl."

"You are?" Grady croaked.

"Yes.  To be loved this much...she was one lucky lady.  I can only hope to be loved one tenth as much."

"I'm sure it will be more," Grady whispered.

"There's just one thing I have to know."

"What?"

"Where are we going this morning?"

Grady laughed, and it felt really good to laugh.  He hadn't been able to laugh like that for a long time and he needed it.

Shawna stepped back to give him room and her startled look was slowly replaced with a grin that turned into a light laugh of her own.

As the humor died down, Grady shook his head and waved a finger at her.  "Come on, let's go satisfy that curiosity of yours!" and he opened the door and led them out.

Shawna felt it was good that they talked and got some feelings out in the open.  She felt better about her place here and about the opportunities that faced her.  Somehow, she was feeling less and less sure that she wanted to leave this place, certainly nowhere else she had been had made her feel so welcome, so needed.  Those thoughts kept her mind busy for most of the walk to the Great Hall, but in the end, she put them away, anxious about what was to come.  Shawna was happy she didn't have to go bound, and wondered why they had gotten so dressed up for breakfast, but not long after they arrived, she caught on.

Even though the sun had not been up for long, the Great Hall was half full of people, all dressed up in what looked like their finest.  All were standing and chatting with each other, and there was a really good mood being generated as more and more people came in.

Many of them seemed surprised to see Grady, but that didn't stop their enthusiastic welcome.  There were lots of "It's good to see you here again..." and "Welcome back, Grady..." type comments, and Shawna figured that whatever was going on was something Grady had been avoiding for a while.

For Shawna, most people had happy greetings, and there was more talk of what she did in the clinic the day before, which made her happy.  Yet she couldn't help noticing that people seemed uncomfortable with her and Grady being together.  There seemed to be an air of disapproval that Shawna couldn't understand.  She knew that the living arrangements between her and Grady were unusual, but it wasn't THAT bad, was it?

It was when she saw the priest that Shawna knew what was going on here in the Great Hall.  This was Church, which was why Shawna guessed it must have been Sunday.

Father Logan, a man she had yet to meet properly, walked up to her and Grady with a big smile on his face.  He was dressed in his vestments, or what passed for them here in the Compound, and he took Grady's hand and shook it warmly.

"It's good to see you back, Grady," he said.

"It's good to be back, Father," Grady said after taking a big breath.

"I'm glad.  I was getting worried again when you stopped coming to see me.  But your being here is a good sign for your recovery."  Father Patrick Logan gave Grady's hand another shake and turned to Shawna  "And you, dear Shawna.  I must apologize for not coming to see you sooner.  I promised to talk with you, but my work load suddenly wouldn't permit it."

"That's okay, Father, I've been kept busy too," Shawna replied with a smile.

"Well, that's very important, but like Grady here, I would still like to make time to talk to you.  But I'm happy you came, and happier yet that you got this man to come with you!"

"Er, he brought me!"

Father Logan laughed.  "Oh, I think you had more to do with his return to the flock than you think.  But tell me, are you a religious person at heart?"

Shawna blinked.  She could feel that she was actually looking forward to the service.  Her family HAD been religious, Catholic their upbringing.  Shawna found the rituals and litany of the church to be rather comforting.

Her time with Dirk, however, had robbed her of that comfort.  He was not a religious man, and had ridiculed in a rather subtle way Shawna's efforts to stay with the church.  In the end, she stopped bothering.

"It's been a long time, Father," she said honestly.

"That's fine," Father Logan replied.  "We do things a little differently here, but there are many ways to pray to God."

He smiled once more and excused himself, and Shawna watched him move on to another group.

"You could have told me," Shawna said to Grady.

"Surprised?" he asked.

Shawna flashed him a smile as another couple came to greet them.

Presently people started moving toward one corner of the Great Hall, where benches had been arranged to face the small stage.  Shawna noticed as Grady led her over, that the rule of women not using chairs was not suspended during Church, for in front of the benches were pillows where the women were now beginning to kneel.  Grady found them a spot and had Shawna kneel on the pillow in front of him.

Shawna thought this was very weird; women were allowed to sit on the benches to eat, but that was it.  She felt a little disturbed by it, but tried to look happy.

Grady was in conversation with the man next to him, a guy she recognized from the Smithy the day before, so she looked about for anyone else she knew.

Further down the same row, she saw Matthew and Rhianna, and she smiled and waved.

It looked like Matthew was organizing his family, since Paul was notably missing.  Rhianna was kneeling as Shawna was, and seemed lost in thought.

Shawna waved again, and this time caught Rhianna's eye.  Rhianna looked up, but instead of smiling and waving back, she just stared.  Her face held a rather worried expression, and Shawna wondered what was wrong.  Then Rhianna looked away, and pointedly ignored Shawna's further waves.

Puzzled, Shawna shrugged and turned her attentions elsewhere.  She tried to see if Gabe was there, but her position close to the floor prevented her from seeing anyone that wasn't in her own row, although she could see the stage quite well.

The service was not long, and in some ways followed the Catholic approach to worship, although there was no communion given out.  There were blessings and readings from the Bible, and Father Logan gave a sermon about tolerance of thy neighbor.  Father Logan was enthusiastic about getting a response from the community, and they didn't disappoint him.  The service was almost a group affair, and Shawna enjoyed it immensely.  Evidently, from the size of the crowd, religion played an important part here; and she found that Grady had been right, it did make these people seem less like barbarians.

From time to time, she would look back and smile at Grady, who softly smiled back, but the best moment was when Father Logan ended the service, for everyone started hugging each other.  It felt good to hug him again.

---***---

Rhianna was not so enthusiastic about Church.  She came because her husband came, and he came because it was expected of him.  There were members of the community that didn't bother with church or religion, and that was their right, for no one was forced, but Paul Anderson had strongly suggested that his younger brother show his face at these gatherings.  The Andersons were a respected and influential part of the community, and it just wouldn't do for any of them to ignore this side of life at the Compound.  So Matthew came to Church, and of course brought his bride.  It wasn't that he didn't care for religion; he actually respected quite strongly its position in the community.  He was just able to look at it with more jaded eyes after spending most his adult life off the mountain.  He had seen things that made him truly doubt the existence of a benevolent God; the scars on Rhianna's body, for one thing.

Still, he felt that God wasn't all bad; he had brought him his beautiful wife, and allowed him to help her heal from her abuses.  Matthew had great respect for any being who could create love!

Rhianna hugged her niece, Lilly, and tried to avoid looking over to where Shawna was in the arms of the Blacksmith.  Rhianna's thoughts were in turmoil, as she tried to figure out what she thought was best for this community she had grown to love.

If she had never found out about the crash, if Shawna hadn't been involved in any robbery, then Rhianna would have been as happy as anyone to have Shawna join the community if she wanted to.  But Rhianna had been trained...no she had been taught since she was a young girl, by a mother who had given up her life's calling in Law Enforcement, that those who break the law to the degree that Shawna did, were not to be trusted.  She knew that banks were robbed for only two reasons, either out of desperation, or for greed, and Shawna had not looked to be the desperate type.

Rhianna wanted to know more; she needed the whole story.

As the crowd moved outside to where the tables were, Rhianna and a lot of the other women gravitated to the kitchen to begin serving breakfast.  Just like for every meal, it was their duty to collect the food and serve it to the rest of their families.

Rhianna hung back, watching as someone showed Shawna the ropes.  It was her first time serving, her first time bringing food to her man.

Rhianna wondered at the relationship between her and Grady now, they certainly seemed a little friendlier.  How would he be affected when he found out that Shawna was a bank robber as well as a junkie?

Dare they tell him?

As Rhianna collected food for herself and her own husband, she wondered where Paul was.  Apparently he had spent the night in town, and she wondered how long after he got back it would be before the shit hit the fan!
 
 

End of Part 14