A Strip Searchin’ Santa
by Deputy Duffy

The distinctive tick of the large oak grandfather clock was the only sound heard, as the two lawyers sat in wonderment. Their boss had just called them into his office, presented his proposal, and left them alone to make their decisions.

"What do you think, Stewart?"

Stewart looked at the pretty blonde who had asked the question and tried to play it tough. "It doesn't look like we have much choice, now. We blew it, plain and simple."

"I still don't know... maybe..."

"What, after this case, you wanna look for another job?"

"No, it's not that, it's just..."

"Look Alexandra, I'm not that happy about it either, and I know, I know," Stewart said, reading her face. "I know I'm a guy, and it's a little different. But it's only once, and we get to go home after that and most important, we keep our jobs."

"But, I don't know... I'll... I mean, we'll be the laughing stock of the..."

"We already are!" Stewart interrupted. "We already are."

The room fell deathly silent, except for the clock. The ticking seemed to hypnotize Alexandra. Her mind raced back in time, nearly a year. It was another Christmas season.

She had a good paying job as a defense attorney, with a large, well-known firm, located high in a skyscraper. She had so many reasons besides the holidays to be excited. She had just celebrated her first wedding anniversary. She had finally moved out of the big city, into a large home with a white picket fence. She was looking forward to starting a family. She seemingly had it all going for her, when she got the call she had been waiting for.

Her first murder defense.

Her client was Heather Bracey, the wife of a wealthy real-estate developer who had turned up dead. The evidence was thin and circumstantial, but Heather was arrested and charged with his murder.

Alexandra was happy that her boss, Ben Davis, had finally called her number. She had been working at the firm for 10 years and was starting to think that the old boys system might be more than just her imagination.

Of course, she still had to work on the case with Stewart Hart, a handsome lawyer, known for his smooth style. They worked night and day, much to the chagrin of her new husband. Their first success was getting Heather freed on bail. Their second was getting a predominantly female jury. Then the case finally came to trial.

In the much publicized case, everything was going well for the defense; that is until a surprise witness turned up at the last moment, a woman who said she’d heard Heather threaten to kill her husband, "one of these days, for his life insurance money." It was questionable, but it seemed to swing the jury. The guilty verdict blared from news reports for days. That verdict meant life without parole for Heather and a black eye for the firm.

"Well, I'm signing the damn thing," Stewart cried out, startling Alexandra back to reality. "There, now I need a drink. Care to follow?"

"Huh?" She blinked. "Aren't we supposed..."

"I don't know," Stewart snapped. "Fuck if I know anything any more; other than there's a bottle of bourbon out there with my name on it."

The sound of the slamming door jarred Alexandra's already frayed nerves. It also reminded her of her client, locked away behind bars.

"Just think of what she's going through. Isn't that what Mr. Davis said?" Alexandra sighed, as she signed her name to the papers that her boss had drawn up. She almost laughed at the pen's red ink. It was like she'd just signed in her own blood. She knew there was no going back now.

She rose from her seat just as her boss opened the door. "All signed?" he asked. Alexandra couldn't even look him in the eye. She just nodded in passing. "Good. Then I guess we'll see you Friday night." Alexandra cringed at just how literal his comment was.

She fled to the parking lot, hopped in her new car, and then drove and drove. She didn't even know where to go. She thought about joining Stewart for some drinks. But she knew how that would look. She could go home to her husband. But he would just have sex on his mind, and that was the last thing she wanted right then. She finally found herself at her favorite aunt's house, some two hours away from where she'd started.

Alexandra was an orphan and an only child. Aunt Mildred was all she had in the way of family and had seemingly always been there for her. Mildred also put her through law school. She sat in the car almost afraid to move, but she just had to tell someone, and mostly she needed someone to tell her it was going to be alright.

Alexandra finally got the courage to ring the doorbell. Her aunt was happy to see her, but not surprised, because she had been following the case on TV. After some small talk, Mildred asked the crucial question: "How'd things go with your boss?"

Alexandra, through a flood of tears, went on to burble a rambling blow-by-blow account of that meeting.

"Here, now, it's not that bad," her aunt said, wiping some tears with a hankie. "I mean, I'm not sure I heard you right."

"I know. I-I still c-can't believe it." Alexandra sniffled.

"So, let's see if I got this straight," her aunt said, handing over the hankie, "first your boss tells you that he's angry with your courtroom performance, and he scolds you for missing that witness. He goes on to say that you should experience just a small taste of what your client will endure in her trip to prison, and then maybe next time you won't be so careless. He says he should fire both of you, but he will give you one more shot, if you..."

"Yep," Alexandra said, nodding her head, and then she blew her nose.

"Oh my!"

"And it's all in writing. I already signed it," Alexandra moaned.

"Oh, my dear!"

"Yeah, I'm going to have to do it now, I guess."

"H-have you ever?" her aunt mumbled, looking for the words.

"What, been Strip-Searched?" Alexandra gasped, and then just shook her head.

"Ok, ah, I knew that, but did you ever see it done to anyone else?"

"Nope," Alexandra groaned. "I can only imagine."

"Not for long."


Both women enjoyed a nervous giggle, before Aunt Mildred scratched her head. "You said you wouldn't know who was strip-searching you. I don't get it."

"Well, that's where the firm's Christmas party comes into play," Alexandra said. She stood up and started to nervously pace the floor. "It's like a costume party, too. We all dress up in Christmas-like costumes, so...."

Oh, so the guy will be wearing a costume?"

"Yep, a Santa costume."

"A Santa costume!" her aunt said with a laugh. "Funny: a strip-searchin' Santa."

"Oh, funny, Ha-Ha."

"No, I believe that's 'Ho-HO.'"


"I'm just trying to lighten you up a bit. Geez, it's not the end of the world. It's just a little nudity. It's not like you're old or overweight or anything."

"It's not that, Auntie. I didn't tell you the worst part. The guys I work with, my fellow lawyers, well they get to, ah, watch, too," Alexandra stammered.


"Yeah, the way my boss put it... it's like I'm their naked Christmas present."

"But, how?"

"Through this glass window in one of the conference rooms. The worst part is I won't be able to see them, but they'll... Oh, I don't want to even think about it."

"Ok, if you can't see 'em then just pretend they're not there."

"Easier said..."

"I know, but you have to try to put it out of mind; and from the sound of it you have little choice. You just have to get some more cases under your belt and then find a better place to work, maybe even go out on your own."

"Yeah, that sounds good, Auntie." Alexandra hugged her.

Her aunt walked her to the door and gave one last piece of advice. "Don't tell your hubby."

Alexandra agreed. She remembered how mad he'd gotten last year when he found out that her boss had made a new rule that spouses weren't allowed at the firm's Christmas party -- and how jealous he was about her spending so much time with Stewart. Alexandra was less depressed as she made the long drive home. Even though her aunt had had some fun teasing her, she felt better.

As the days passed, Alexandra's nerves were fraying. She spent some time searching for a costume, until her boss informed her that he had special costumes for her and Stewart to wear at the party. Alexandra tried to put it out of her mind, but she just couldn't. She remembered the see-through elf costume that her boss made Victoria, the only other female attorney, wear last year.

"But at least she had something on." Alexandra sighed as she stood in front of the full length mirror on the back of her bathroom door. Wrapped in a towel, she stared at her reflection. "God, I'm even afraid to drop the towel now. How am I ever going to get through it?"

Finally, it was Friday afternoon, and Alexandra found herself in her boss's office. She looked at the tall clock. "In less then an hour I'll probably be naked," she sighed.

Stewart joined her a short time later, followed by her boss, who promptly pulled two shopping bags from his closet. "Here are your costumes; everything you need is inside," he said, handing each of them a bag. "Mr. Hart, you can change in the bathroom across the hall. Mrs. Montana, you can use my private bath right here."

Alexandra made her way past her boss and into a small bathroom. She quickly locked the door behind her and put the bag down on the counter next to the sink. She stared at the brown bag for several minutes, too scared to look inside. She could hear the sounds of music, so she knew the party was underway, and they were waiting for her.

"God, how did I get myself into this?" She opened the bag and slowly took out the items one by one. "Well, I guess it could have been worse."

She took a deep breath, kicked off her shoes, and slipped out of her blouse, folding it neatly on the counter. Her skirt followed. She wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead. The heat from the bright lights, she surmised.

She glanced at the door, just to double-check the lock, before unhooking and removing her bra. Finally, she rolled down her panties. She was now standing stark naked in her boss's bathroom. That simple fact made her heart begin to race, and she sped up her movements. She grabbed the plastic bag that had a small pair of panties in them. It was a struggle to rip open the bag, her ample breasts bouncing and shaking with the effort.

"Finally," Alexandra gasped as she pulled the panties out. She shook her head at the small red and green candy-canes print on the white cotton panties. She felt like a little girl when she wiggled into them. Next was a flimsy, makeshift bra, little more than a strapless strip of white silk. Like the panties, it was just a little too small. Then she reached for the tiny skirt. It was red (with white fur trim), extremely low-rise, and held together by only two buttons. There was a matching red crop-top. She dropped the black high-heeled pumps on the floor and shook her head, wondering how they knew her size. But when she stepped into them, she found that they were a bit too big, so she figured someone had just guessed -- and nearly got it right.

Finally, she put on the stocking cap, also red with white fur trim, and then stepped back to look at herself in the mirror that hung over the sink. She just shook her head. "I'm like Santa's slutty little helper," she muttered.

"Let's see. My skirt's too short, my top's too small, and the silk bandeau ought to have been a real bra. And what's with these heels -- could they be any taller?" Alexandra stared at her reflection. "Oh yeah, Mr. Davis picked out this costume; no doubt about it!" Anger replaced sarcasm in her voice.

A knock on the door startled Alexandra, and it was a moment before she could open the door. She expected to see her boss, but it was Stewart, instead, wearing his costume. She let out a small giggle, before she apologized. He was wearing the same costume as she was, except he was carrying his high heels. "If they think I'm wearing these they're crazy." Alexandra couldn't help giggling again. It was strange, but seeing him in that outfit relaxed her. It really could have been worse. She sighed.

Tom Jackson, one of their colleagues, came up at that moment and immediately started to guffaw. Eventually, after he calmed down, he led them to the conference rooms. Alexandra went into the large conference room, Stewart into the smaller one.

Once inside, Alexandra spotted the mirror and blushed at her reflection. She knew there were faces behind there, but not exactly who or exactly how many. But she got the feeling that there were a lot, because she could hear hooting and hollering, even though the conference rooms were supposed to be soundproof. She spent some time scanning the room looking for hidden cameras. She had made sure that the proposal she signed stated that there were to be no cameras and no photos of her search. She looked back at the glass. She shrugged, praying that her boss was the man of his word that he'd always said he was.

Then the door opened, startling Alexandra. The sight of a large woman dressed all in black entering the conference room startled her more, even though she knew the woman was coming. Her boss had hired a prison guard from out of state to train and then to assist the mystery Santa with the strip-search.

"Hi, Alexandra, my name is Beth, and I'm Santa's little helper." Alexandra extended her hand in greeting, but the large woman just shook her head. "No. Don't be misled by my civil greeting. I am not your friend. In fact, I'm just the opposite. I'm here to make sure that Santa does his job and that he doesn't take it easy on you. I was hired to do a job, and I plan on doing it."

Alexandra shivered. She didn't know if Beth was just trying to scare her, but it was certainly working.

"Now, seeing as Santa's a man of few words, he will be carrying a cane, and he'll use it to point to an article of your clothing. You will then take it off -- and no crying, no complaining. Clear?"

Alexandra could only nod in disbelief.

"Is that clear?" Beth hissed.

"Yes," Alexandra moaned, and then, reading the woman's look, she added, "Yes, Ma'am."

"Good, and just so you know it's ALL coming off. We are going to be using the policies for new jailbirds entering my prison, set in place by MY boss. And, honestly, I'm going to enjoy it, 'cause if there is one thing I can't stand, it's a lousy shyster, especially a defense attorney."

‘Oh great,’ Alexandra groaned to herself.

"Are you ready to start? We have a lot of anxious faces on the other side of the glass waiting, and I have one lucky Santa with his magic cane."

Alexandra just shook her head. She never remembered being this nervous her whole life, even when she took her boards.

"Oh, so we need a little more time." Alexandra cringed at the teasing way the woman said it. "Well, tough shit 'cause it's show-time."

Alexandra could also hear a loud roar from the hidden crowd. She looked to the door, and in walked a classically dressed Santa.

"Ho-Ho-Ho," was all he said, and Alexandra immediately tried to figure out who he was.

"Over here now, stand on this." Alexandra watched in horror as Beth dropped a holiday place mat onto the floor, right in front of the mirror. "Move it!"

Alexandra couldn't move. Her mind was telling her legs to make a run for it, but they were frozen. Beth snapped her fingers several times, before she lunged at Alexandra, grabbed her by the wrist, and dragged her over to the mat. She surprised Alexandra by spinning her towards the conference table and draping her across the polished mahogany.

"When I tell you to move, you move!" Beth spat, and her hand came crashing down on Alexandra's backside. Alexandra let out a squeal -- just as she did when the first swat was followed by four more, each landing hard and on target.

"Now stand your ass up," Beth said, helping her up. "And dry those tears. I told you no crying."

Alexandra did her best, while also pulling her skirt down, but she was just so humiliated, to be given a spanking right in front of Santa (and God only knows who else).

They allowed her a couple of minutes to regain her composure. Beth even gave her a small paper cup of water, but soon enough announced that it was "time to get on with it." Alexandra sniffled and looked sidelong at the mirror. She knew she would be giving the spectators good profile view. Santa waddled up in front of her. She stared into his eyes, searching for a clue there, but they didn't look familiar. She then watched, trembling, as his cane slowly rose, stopping only inches from her breasts.

Alexandra gulped, the search had begun.

Santa's cane dropped to the floor. Alexandra looked down at her crop-top. It wasn't much, but she had to really force herself to take it off. Her hands were trembling, and she could feel her heart pounding. She clutched the garment to her chest until she saw Santa's cane rise again. Confused, it took Alexandra a couple of seconds to interpret Beth's impatient gestures. Finally understanding, she wistfully draped the crop-top over Santa's cane. Santa, with a snap, flipped it into the corner behind them. Alexandra gasped, picturing the rest of her costume piled up there in the corner. Even though it was mere feet away, it seemed like miles.

Alexandra watched wide-eyed as Santa tapped his cane on the floor, twice. It began to rise slowly, higher and higher, until it stopped inches from her breasts again. She shuddered. She knew she was seconds from exposing her breasts to all. She looked down at her heaving chest, remembering that she'd sworn no one at work would ever see them. For ten years, she had kept them hidden under suit coats or baggy tops. That was ten years of fighting to be respected for her brainpower, rather than being judged merely by the size of her chest.

Santa's cane again tapped the floor twice and then lifted. And Alexandra hadn't moved. She tried to focus on her aunt's words, as she slid an arm under the makeshift bra and lifted it off. She watched as it slid down the cane a few inches, before it sailed into the air and landed next to her top. She shivered.

"Ho-Ho-Ho," Santa bellowed, while Beth chuckled at the folded-arms-across-the-chest pose Alexandra had struck.

"Well, Santa, looks like someone's a little tease, or maybe a little embarrassed," Beth said, never taking her eyes off the pink-faced Alexandra. "But I've seen it before, and I have the cure."

Alexandra inhaled sharply, as she watched Beth put both of her hands behind her head before spreading her elbows back. "Well, what you waiting for?"

"You can't be serious," Alexandra groaned. "I am not a conv..."

"You're to do what we say, bitch!" Beth shouted. "Or the next spanking will be on your bare ass."

It took several seconds for Alexandra to muster the courage to move into the humiliating position.

"Now, I want you too make a slow circle all the way around," Beth ordered.

Alexandra's body quivered. She knew what that would do. It was also sinking in that Beth was here to do much more than just assist Santa. Alexandra looked to her left and then made a quick circuit to her right.

Beth frowned. "Not good enough. This time, go the other way and much slower." Oh, yes. Beth was definitely here to humiliate. And Alexandra was humiliated, when she turned left and saw her naked breasts in the mirror. She could also hear muttering from the other side of the glass, as she made her slow circle.

"Well, well, Santa, looks like someone is happy to see yah," Beth said, nudging him.

Alexandra cringed, even though she had heard the jokes about her erect nipples before. And she was certain someone had turned the AC on high, even on this cold winter's night.

Beth moved over and stood right by Alexandra's side, facing the mirror. She leaned forward, her face only inches away from Alexandra's breasts. Alexandra gaped, before Beth spoke. "I've seen a lot of tits in my job, so, in my professional opinion, they're 32 or 34D. I'll go with 34." Alexandra grimaced at Beth's nerve, but also blushed at just how right the guess was.

Beth turned her gaze to the glass. "That's a full cup, 34d, brown bee-bee nips, nice and hard."

"What the?" Alexandra gasped, quickly turning her face towards the mirror and then just as quickly back. She had heard some rumors about there being some sort of pool or betting about what she would look like naked. But she had shrugged off those stories, seeing as they were lawyers and all.

The cane banged on the floor three times, and Alexandra shuddered with every one of them. The cane rose to her waist, while Beth moved back over to Santa's side. Alexandra wanted to slap that smirk off her face, but instead she docilely unbuttoned her skirt. She slid it down the cane, and it joined the pile.

Alexandra could hear some laughter, and her face flushed, remembering her childish panties. And yet, when the cane struck the floor four times, she didn't want to give them up. But she did, and they, too, were sent into the corner. She was left standing only in her high heeled shoes and her stocking cap, sheepishly waiting for a command that she just knew was coming, but prayed was not.

"Hands behind your head, BLONDIE, and make a slow turn."

Alexandra burned. She knew it was a dig at her dark pubic hair. She also knew that everyone knew the truth now. Beth snapped her fingers. Alexandra made the turn, slower this time. Her nerves were finally settling down, since she figured that the search was now over and she deduced that the crowd couldn't really see anything between her legs anyways. She was a little embarrassed about her naked ass, but everyone had always said she had a nice one. She sighed. She knew everyone could see for himself or herself now. She also knew the high heels were helping her in that area.

"Ok, you guys had your fun, and I get the point; really I do," Alexandra said, as she started shuffling towards her discarded pile of clothes.

"And, where do you think you're going?" Beth asked, grabbing a handful of Alexandra's hair, causing the blonde to screech. "We ain't done yet," Beth hissed. With a final tug, she had Alexandra back on the mat.

"Please!" Alexandra snapped. "I'm cold."

"I can see that!" Beth said with a laugh. "We can all see that."

Alexandra crossed her arms in front of her chest. "This has gone far enough," she said, trying to sound authoritative.

"I'm surprised at you," Beth said, shaking her head. "You're supposed to be highly educated, and yet you don't understand the meaning of 'strip-search.' I mean, you've done the STRIP and now it's time for the SEARCH."

"Look, I get it. It was totally humiliating for my client, and I'll never forget it," Alexandra pleaded, in desperation, before she turned her eyes to Santa. "Please, Santa, I was a good girl this year."

As soon as she said it, she regretted it, wincing at the laughter that echoed from the unseen audience.

"Turn around and spread 'em!" Beth barked out.

"You must be joking. I'm not a criminal here," Alexandra said, while striking a defensive pose. "Jesus, I'm a lawyer, god-dammit!"

"It's an awful strange time to use that language, little lady," Beth teased. "Especially in front of Santa. You were, after all, saying something about being a good girl."

"Fuck you!"

"Owww, looks like we'll do this the hard way," Beth said, lunging forward and grabbing Alexandra and pushing her face down on the table, again. Alexandra's protests were interrupted by a flurry of powerful swats to her bare butt. She tried hard to struggle free, but Beth was too strong for her.

"Santa, take off the gloves and help me out over here," Beth said. And, several seconds later, Alexandra felt another blow to her ass, only this time the hand felt rougher and struck more painfully.

"Santa, no!" Alexandra cried out. Several stinging slaps followed, as Alexandra cried tears, more of shame than of pain.

"Now that we have her attention, put on them rubber gloves I gave you," Beth said. The sound of snapping rubber followed. Alexandra was sniffling, as she knew what this meant. She wanted to offer a plea, but knew it would be futile.

She felt a hand spread an ass cheek, while Beth still had her in a waist-lock. Alexandra's high heels barely touched the floor. Alexandra let out a gasp as she felt pressure on her pussy. She realized it was a pair of fingers, slowly spreading her lips apart. She suddenly remembered her shaved state. She also wished she could go back in time and just bend over.

"Kind of funny, guys, natural on top, yet shaved clean down below, where it counts" Beth teased. Alexandra cringed, as it seemed like the rumors she heard about bets on her naked body might actually be true.

"Santa... owww... Santa," Alexandra moaned, as she felt a finger slid slowly into her pussy, maybe two.

"I was gunna tell you to use that tube of lubricant that I gave to yah," Beth said with a laugh. "But it doesn't look like you needed it at all, at least not yet."

"Hey!" Alexandra objected, when she felt pressure on her clitoris.

"Ah, sorry," Beth said with a giggle. "But if you stop squirming around, I could let go of you." Alexandra tried to stop her movements, but Santa wasn't stopping his probing, and the finger flicking her clit didn't stop either.

"Well Santa, it looks like she is free of contraband, and we better move on, before she bursts," Beth said freshly, before adding, "and it's time for that lubricant."

"No way!" Alexandra snapped, as she realized what Beth meant to search next. She tried to break free, but Beth had a good hold on her. Alexandra feet were moving but, with a little lift, her feet weren't on the floor; they were just running in place. Alexandra gasped, as she felt her legs being lifted and spread apart. Looking back in horror, she saw that her knees had been placed into two depressions at the table's edge, usually reserved for coffee cups. She could also see her naked reflection -- and just how exposed she was, now.

"Noooo... it's cold." Alexandra whined, as she felt the drips of lubricant. She clawed at the desk and tried to crawl forward across it, but Beth's hold on her was too effective.

"Make sure you lube your finger, too, or fingers if you prefer," Beth said. "But by the looks of it, her asshole matches her personality, so you better start with just one."

Alexandra didn't have time to respond to Beth's teasing words, as she felt a finger rubbing her asshole. Santa’s finger!

"Owww... Santa!" Alexandra moaned as she felt his finger slowly twist its way in. Slowly it moved, but always pressing deeper. She also felt more pressure on her clit. She jerked her head around, only to see Beth staring back, hungrily, and smiling slyly. Alexandra lowered her face to the table. She didn't want them to see her face when the inevitable happened, but her body's tremors loudly announced the fact when she climaxed. Beth's laughter drowned out Alexandra's shameful sniffles. Alexandra hugged her knees to her chest, when Beth finally let go, and she took some time to try to regain her composure.

The sound of a slamming door startled Alexandra out of her trance. She opened her eyes and gasped. She was still lying naked on the conference table and not back in her bed as she had prayed. She noticed her reflection in the mirror -- her red, puffy, mascara-streaked face, staring back at her.

"Oh god!" she gasped, remembering what was on the mirror's other side. She jumped off the table and took a step, before freezing in horror.

Her costume was gone.

Alexandra looked around in a panic. She was hunting for anything to cover herself with, but was coming up empty. Even the place mat was gone. Glancing at the glass, she figured everyone was getting a good laugh at her once again, although she couldn't hear anything.

She decided to make a run for it, since her boss's office was just two hallways away. Flinging the door open, she headed down the hall at a dead run. She turned the corner and ran right into portly Tom Jackson, bounced off him, and fell to the floor.

"Merry Christmas, Alexandra! Here, let me help you up. You really should watch were you're going, running around all naked..."

Alexandra only vaguely heard his voice, for lining the hallway on both sides were her co-workers, who began cheering and clapping. Alexandra slowly got to her feet, cursing her high heels, her face burning. She was able to bat their hands away from her chest as she made her way past, but her ass received countless slaps and pinches, until she finally reached her boss's office.

She ran into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

"Oh, thank god!" she cried, when she spotted her clothes. She looked in the mirror, shaking her head, wondering how she could ever face her co-workers again. It was also killing her that she didn’t have a clue who Santa really was. She thought about suing, but she had signed that agreement, and she also remembered that her boss had never lost a case. She moved to the small shower stall and turned it on, hoping the hot water would sooth her body and spirit. She could also feel the lubricant oozing from her asshole.

Meanwhile, Santa and Beth had said their goodbyes, and Santa was sitting in the janitor's room. He turned awkwardly as the door opened and the senior janitor walked in.

"Oh, I'm sorry Santa, I thought you'd left for the North Pole by now."

"Knock it off, Earl, and help me out of this fat suit. I'm sweating my ass off."

"Yes, sir," Earl said, moving over to Santa and unzipping the back of his costume. Santa stepped out of the jumpsuit and then with some help, the fat suit.

"Wow, that feels better, and now I have to get this beard off and these contacts out."

"Contacts, Sir?"

"Yeah, colored contacts."

"Nice touch, sir."

"Earl, you've worked here for thirty years, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Ben, when we're alone?"

"Sorry, Mr. Davis... I mean, Ben."

"Hey, Earl, give me some of that eggnog. I need something to cool down."

"I bet you do, sir." Earl went over to the little fridge and poured two glasses. When he returned, his boss was sitting in his underwear watching a color monitor. (Can this day get any weirder? Earl thought.) He sat down and slid a glass over.

"Picture comes in good," Ben said, pointing to the screen.

"Yeah, it does," Earl said, leaning closer to the screen. "Who would have thought she was hiding that bod under her stuffy clothes?"

"Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised," Ben said, with a chuckle. "I loved her hard nipples. By the way, who won the pool?"

"Oh, fucking Peterson," Earl said, shaking his head.

"Peterson, well that figures, he's been undressing her with his eyes for years," Ben grinned. "She shaved around her pussy, who would have thought?"

"I know, but it gave us all a good view. We could even see pink... well, at least in the front row," Earl said, playing it back in his head. "And thanks for the seat up front, I couldn't have afforded..."

"Don't mention it. Merry Christmas Earl. It all went to the food bank, anyway, but I'm surprised at just how much some of the front row seats went for!"

"I guess some guys really wanted to know what she looked like in her birthday suit."

"I guess, and it was probably their only hope. But then again, if she had just done what she should have, they never would have known. She thought guys chased her before!"

"Think she'll be back on Monday?" Earl said, pouring some brandy from his flask.

"If she has what it takes, she will. Remember, Victoria did. Hey, I'm in the mood for some cheer, too." Ben held up his glass. "Plus I need some liquid courage tonight, 'cause I'll soon have to go home to the old lady. But at least I'll have Alexandra's back side view on my brain, as well as the feel of her tight asshole gripping my finger... ummm."

"I think she liked that. She was flopping around like a fish out of water. Too bad there is no tape of her search, though."

"Yeah, but I gave my word... and it's in writing."

"But you didn't say anything about the hidden cameras in your bathroom, now did yah?"

"Must have slipped my mind. But it shouldn't have slipped hers. I didn't know if she'd shower or not, but I was hoping. I also skipped the clean up part at the end... ah, her end."

The old janitor chuckled. "How much moola do you think this shower tape's gunna fetch for the food bank?"

"Earl, I wouldn't dream..."

"Of course not," Earl said, with a snicker, while also a little disappointed that Alexandra had now turned off the shower. "And what was with that lezbo guard?"

"She was good, eh? Played her role to the T." Ben said proudly, while sitting back in his chair as Alexandra stepped out of the shower. "But she isn't a guard... and she isn't a lesbian. She's married, in fact. She just looked the part."


"Yeah, I didn't want someone who could lose their job over this. Her name is Beth, though."

"Sorry, but I'm not as schooled as you."

"I found her at the food bank, where Alexandra was supposed to spend some time there volunteering; and then had the gall to tell me that she did. When I told all this to Beth, and what I wanted from her, she was shocked, but she has a couple of kids, and a few dead presidents sweetened the deal."

"I don't think that food bank would survive without you."

"Well, let's just say it's good to give back to those less fortunate, you know, especially around the holidays."

"Ah huh, and it's also good for the firm's PR."

"See Earl, you're smarter than you think," Ben said, with a raised glass. "Even Stewart finds the time... And speaking of Stew, how long before he realized that no one was coming in to search him?"

"Oh, Stewmantha," Earl said, laughing. "I think he joined the party, Ah, made it in 'bout the time big boobs' panties hit the floor. He was even still wearing that skirt, though. Nice touch."

"It was the best I could come up with, after everyone told me they wanted to watch Alexandra's search, even Victoria. Hey, I couldn't let him off the hook, totally. After all, he lost that case, too."

"Ah huh, and I guess your record is safe, eh?"

"Earl, what are you trying to say?"

"Funny, all of your lawyers seem to lose at least one case."

"Jesus, Earl, you think I had something to do with it?"

"Of course not," Earl said, smirking.

"Right. I wouldn't do that to a client."

"Even, one who, the evidence strongly indicates, certainly had a lot to do with planning her husband's murder, even if she might not have actually pulled the trigger herself,'" Earl said. "That's pretty close to a direct quote of what you told me late one night during the trial."

Ben's eyes widened.

"No," Earl went on, "not even if you do have some friends at the Woman's State Prison, who I'm sure took it easy on her. I mean, they probably get lookers like her, every day."

"Oh my god!" Ben gasped, and dropped his head into his hand.

"And what were the chances that you learned the strip-search procedures that you used today, from watching them process her, from behind the glass... uhm, sound familiar?"

"Jesus, I have to stop drinking with the help!" Ben said, pushing the flask aside. "Look Earl, if those words left my lips, they were not meant to be repeated, so I strongly suggest you forget them."

"Gee, Ben, awful defensive for an innocent man."

"Ok, Earl, I'll give it to you straight. I knew from the beginning that it was going to be a tough case, and that's why I put Alexandra on it in the first place, and I gave her Stewart, too, so she still had a fighting chance. Things were going well too, and we were winning. Then, more than half-way through, I discovered a bushel of damning evidence -- and none of it admissible. So, there was a very good chance that a murderess was going to get off."

"And then, from nowhere comes that-that fortuitous witness, who knew just what to say," Earl interjected.

"We call it 'being well-prepped.' And yeah, Stew and Alexandra got blind-sided," Ben said, watching Alexandra leaving his office on the monitor. "But it all worked out in the end. Think about it, a husband-killer got sent to jail. We all got a chance to see Alexandra au naturel, and watch Santa check her oil while Stewart got to eat some humble pie. I call that JUSTICE."

Ben lowered his voice. "And she may have been a 'fortunate' witness, from the standpoint of justice, but she was not necessarily 'fortuitous.' He had a twinkle in his eye.

'Fortunate,' 'fortuitous,' what's the difference?"

"I gave you a dictionary twenty years ago. Look it up," Ben said, laying a finger beside his nose.

"Wow, lawyers! Well, Alexandra sure dressed quickly, not like the slow way you stripped her. And to think, this all happened because she didn't want to spread the cheer."

"Well, Earl, isn't that what Christmas is all about, spreading good cheer?"


"Ho-Ho-Ho! Merry Christmas!"

Here is wishing you and yours a very merry Christmas,
Deputy Duffy

Email me at: Stonedog99_1999@yahoo.com