Who Wants To Strip Search a Female Executive
by Deputy Duffy

Has Fox TV Gone Too Far?

Into this new world of reality TV, comes a new venture sure to raise the bar (or lower standards). It's called "Who Wants To Strip Search a Female Executive?" The title is a mouthful, but it is precisely what the show is about. One lucky male, picked from millions of Internet entries, each costing ten bucks a pop, will get the opportunity to do just what the show's title suggests.

I put on my best suit and met with the producer of the show in his Vermont offices. Jeff Webber used to work a dead end job, until he pitched his concept to Fox TV. Now he lives a life of luxury (and has worn his last suit). He got the idea from reading this very newspaper. (Vermont is the only state that still allows men to strip search females.)

He wasn't really surprised that the network rejected him repeatedly, until they saw the buy-in rate (each paying $19.99) on his web site for a cheap pilot episode -- and the show hadn't even been picked up yet.

"It's funny how money talks," Jeff said when I first brought up Fox. "And I'm glad we signed the deal before Janet and her nipple star."

The money Fox supplied allowed Jeff to re-shoot his pilot episode (in which he used paid strippers) into a thirteen week series. It is scheduled to air in the fall -- only this time using real female executives.

I wondered how this came about.

"At first it was difficult," Jeff said before lighting up a large cigar, "but once we got one exec to sign, it just snowballed. I really couldn't believe how competitive these companies were with each other. For example, we have three female lawyers from three of the largest law firms in the country. Funny, the lawyer who signed up first never even made the final cut. We also have two advertising execs from rival companies, and a couple of VPs... all of them successful and powerful."

"One of the keys in picking contestants seems to be that each company can choose only one executive to represent it." Jeff laughed out loud, almost choking on his cigar.

"Yeah, and I've heard some stories about various company auditions that make my show seem tame. I don't think they wanted to be 'embarrassed' if their female had to strip to the skin."

I told him I heard that the company name and its logo always appear on the screen with their employee.

"Right! It's free advertising. And what company doesn't like that? I heard they even offered their executives perks, which had nothing to do with us, to try out. Things like a new office or that coveted parking space... things that might make you and me laugh, but to them..."

It could be one of the reasons the line-up was filled with exceptionally beautiful women who really took care of their bodies.

"They were smoking, but they were also real women with important jobs. And unlike, say, 'Playboy,' we did research to make sure they were real executives and not part time workers or just glorified secretaries," Jeff noted. "I was really happy with the ten women that were chosen (with the help of our consultant) to be on the show."

The show's consultant was kept anonymous. (But he was rumored to work for the great state of Vermont.)

"I will tell you he was very well-schooled in the art of the strip search," Jeff said, with a million-dollar smile. "And he helped pick the final ten for the show at the try out, along with me and a couple of old Fox executives."

Jeff wouldn't say how many women were sent to try out for the show, but he chuckled and said, "If you only knew! Let's just say a lot of fancy women's wear hit the tile floor that day. And this gave us the chance to eliminate anyone who was, let's say, a little too happy to get naked. We didn't want exhibitionists."

The secret consultant also played a major roll in training the lucky, and as of yet, unnamed winner of the drawing.

"That was key too," Jeff said, with another puff. "You see, each of the women had already been strip searched once by a professional, so they knew what to expect when the cameras rolled. We couldn't have them freaking out national TV, now could we? But we also needed our winner to act professional, too."

Since no preview footage was provided, despite my continual requests, I had to quiz Jeff about the show's scenario.

I asked him about the male winner.

"The identity of the male winner is never revealed. This allows him to act in total anonymity. If he is seen by the execs or on-screen, he is wearing a mask. It also makes him look a little more imposing. This also let him ask more risqué questions in the question-and-answer part of the show -- you know, 'spit or swallow' type of questions."

He was briefly interrupted by a phone call, but soon returned to the interview.

"But as you can imagine, much of the show's focus is on the female execs. At first, the ten women were followed for a few days at work, with interviews from coworkers interwoven in. And then we moved to Vermont. The ten women were housed in a ski lodge for two weeks, and of course we had the whole lodge wired (a fact that we kept concealed from them). We also built a small studio (complete with mock processing room) to hold our show."

"Are all ten execs going to be searched?"

"Hold on... I'm getting there. There are ten execs, and you will see them all in their dress suits, eveningwear, swimwear, and some lingerie -- like a pageant. But they're not all going to be strip searched... No, it's a competition and only three will end up being searched."

"Only three?" I interrupted.

"Gee... Sorry to disappoint you. But that's what makes it interesting in the lodge between the women. Because the women get a vote as to who gets searched first. Then, after a week, they find out that the male winner also gets to pick one. Things get heated when we give each woman one-half hour in a closet with the male winner to plead her case as to why she shouldn't be strip searched on nation TV. We didn't have cameras in that closet, but we did have audio, and they had no idea we were listening -- wait until you hear those fancy pants in action. And, lastly we threw a curve at them and told them that there would be one more picked from Internet voting. You should have seen their faces when we brought that up. Not only because one more of them was going to be searched (they originally thought only one out of the ten was going to be searched), but they also found out that they were going to be seen on the Internet too, without the computer masking. Silly girls... they really should have read the fine print in their contacts... more carefully." 

"You must have some prizes then?"

"Some small ones. They go to each of the seven women who were not chosen. They each receive a seven day, all expense paid (and we all know execs love that) vacation anywhere in the world."

"And the other three get..."

"Strip searched!" Jeff broke in. "That's what they get... On national TV. We also flew in some of their co-workers to witness the event. So that'll be their prize. And we will also follow them back to work for a follow-up special."

"I couldn't even imagine going back to work after going through that. It'd be bad enough for it to happen in private, but for everyone..."

"Being able to watch," Jeff added. "And I know that, since it's aired on broadcast TV, there'll be some computer masking, because it will be a full strip search, but you will still be able to see their faces and their tears, and you'll still understand just what is happening. Funny, none of these women thought they would be the one picked, so when they were... you have to see it."

"And on the Internet?"

"Oh, thanks, and for the cheap price of $19.99 per episode you get an uncensored version of the same show... meaning you get to see everything... like the color of their nipples and the smoothness of their shaved puss-er-privates. (It's in their contracts.) We also throw in some behind-the-scenes footage, too hot for TV. It wasn't planned, but, there we only five bedrooms and five small beds in the lodge for the ten women. I think some of them had flashbacks to their college days, or maybe they were just trying to win some non-votes."

"Flashbacks?" I wondered.

"H -- L -- A!" Jeff said, with a ring of smoke, for each letter. "Remember they didn't know about our hidden cameras."

It took me a few moments (in which I figured out that his letters meant -- hot lesbian action), before I asked my next question. "Does the strip search include a cavity search?" 

Jeff broke into hysterical laughter. "That's like buying a Porsche and asking if it has power steering! Of course it does. The lucky winner will have rubber gloves, lubricant, and some tools at his disposal to help him with the search."

"Tools?" I quizzed.

"Yeah, he will have a tongue depressor, a speculum, and an anal probe. He can use them all to get 'up close and personal' with her as only her gynecologist can. Oh, but our cameras will have zoom-in capabilities, so you the viewer will be right there, too."

"It seems a little extreme. I mean it's only a TV show."

"I agree... all for a parking space. But let's face it; we men will never understand women."

As a man twice divorced, I had to admit that I agreed with him. He went on to tell me he already has two more strip search shows in the works, with female winners this time. In one show they will get to strip search female doctors, and in the other female matrons. These he calls "turn the tables" shows. Both have already been picked up by Fox TV.

"So get ready for more strip search shows soon," Jeff said, with a sly smile, before he showed me the door.

But, I ask, is America really ready to hear "drop the laundry" echoing into their living rooms?

The End

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